My Blog

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
Yes

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Excerpted from The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Apr 5, 2002

looking back in time
there are so much that i miss
suprisingly so much that i wonder
perhaps time wasnt long enough
or we were too ignorant to admit
that we simply didnt appreciate enough
the years that have gone by between us
the togetherness that we’ve taken for granted
as one that was accidentally binded by some common goals

now trying to keep the memory alive …
who was the girl that sat across me?
her long dark hair fell on her shoulder
her eyes shone as she glanced over the window
then smiling as she’s writing down her note
what was she thinking?
sadly as i remembered
perhaps i didnt care enough ….

and the boy who always missed the class
he sat by the door
his eyes looked gloomy
his moves looked weary
what happened to him that day?
sadly as i remembered
perhaps … i also didnt care enough

now years really pass us by
our times become some blur footages of events
our common memory freezes at certain point
that probably none of us could remember where or why
and sadly as i remembered
perhaps … we simply didnt try hard enough …

so while we’re not together again
scattered around places
climbing up mountains
or free falling off the niagara cliffs
sadly i wish i knew
what she was thinking that day
and
what happened to him that day
we could be so much happier than we were

*elis*
jakarta, 12 july 2005

in memory of dwi sulistyorini
today i wiped off her bounced email in this mailing list
wishing that i knew her much better
and our class had a year-group picture
may she rest in peace …

Namaku Tong
usiaku akan menapak duabelas
Orang-orang selalu bertanya:
Mengapa aku dijual ayahbundaku?
Kenapa mereka lepaskan ku ke Bangkok?
Kelaparankah mereka? Terlalu miskin? Butuh uang?
Wah, sungguh aku tak tahu.
Terlalu muda aku untuk mengerti pertanyaan itu.
Yang pasti, banyak uang didapat ketika menjualku
Seekor kerbau pun terbelilah sudah

Pun masih lari mereka bertanya pada ayahbundaku
Mengapa pula anak perempuanmu kau jual?
Jawab orangtuaku:
Hei, kami tak pernah ingin menjualnya
Sendiri, dia yang mau ke Bangkok
Mungkin kami begitu menderita
Ia hanya ingin membantu

(Sirirat Pusurinkham - Thailand)
Oct 30, 2002